Daily Talks Why I Won't Bow to Monogamy

Most of us have watched, read, and absorbed countless examples of happily-ever-after monogamous relationships from birth. Or at least, it seemed like these couples practiced monogamy on the surface. Between Disney movies and beloved Huxtable-like family shows, the media has fed Americans the same message: monogamy is attainable and something we all should strive for. But with startling divorce rates and monogamy-attempting couples struggling with infidelity, reality tells a different story.

ebony.com | jan 31, 2012 | Comment (13)

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Frank, 33 Jan 31, 2012

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When you take your marriage vows, you’re pretty much making the commitment to never have sex with anyone else ever again.Many people don’t want to throw in the towel, however, which is why the idea of “negotiating monogamy” is becoming more popular.

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Lawrence, 32 Jan 31, 2012

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From open relationships, to disclosing affairs before they happen, to giving a partner a “free pass,” negotiated monogamy is a way for some couples to stay committed to each other without having to stay sexually faithful.

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Rose, 31 Jan 31, 2012

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Such an approach may seem to fly in the face of the concept of marriage - I don’t blame you for raising your eyebrows or shaking your head at the suggestion. But hear me out.

Brenda, 33 Jan 31, 2012

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We live in an age when we’re surrounded by countless arguments (or maybe just excuses) against monogamy: Men have a biological imperative to spread their seed and have always cheated (“boys will be boys”); humans are wired for serial monogamy, not one lifelong relationship; long-term relationships beget boredom; people are living longer and longer but half of all marriages fail…

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Louis, 31 Jan 31, 2012

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When you consider what we’re up against, it may not be such a bad idea to give negotiated monogamy a chance before we dismiss it outright as a violation of the sanctity of marriage.

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Bobby, 30 Jan 31, 2012

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I often raise the option of negotiated monogamy with couples who have worked their way into permanently sexless marriages, or who feel starved for sex - but not with each other.

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Terry, 32 Jan 31, 2012

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The very concept of negotiated monogamy is a provocative and useful way for these couples to talk about sex and marriage, even if they choose not to practice it.

Rachel, 31 Jan 31, 2012

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As with most issues, it’s better to talk about something and understand each other’s boundaries than to guess or cheat or commit to life of silent desperation. And you know what?

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Paula, 30 Jan 31, 2012

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It turns out that once couples start talking about what they would or wouldn’t allow - strippers, lap dances, flirty friendships, free passes, oral sex with other people, swinging, open relationships - they often tend to get turned on and end up going home and having sex with each other.

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Mark, 35 Jan 31, 2012

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Taking a marriage vow does not mean taking a vow of silence. If anything, being married should give you a level of trust where you feel like you can talk about anything. And if you actually want to try negotiated monogamy and your partner doesn’t (or vice versa)?

Pamela, 34 Jan 31, 2012

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i would never compromise with a monogamy!!! and why should i if he's cheating on me and having relationships with other women too...

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Judy, 31 Jan 31, 2012

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true that Pamela!! one should never compromise if his/her love or partner is cheating upon him/her..

Walter, 32 Jan 31, 2012

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I loved to read this article...really a great and impressive article so far...thanks for sharing this one!! this issue is spreading a lot now days..

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