When Sex Is Gone
What goes wrong in a marriage where no sex exists anymore? Did you know that on average, married couples have sex about 58 times a year? That’s like once a week! This is just the average number, there are many couples who have sex about 111 times a year who are under 30 and about 25 times a year over 30. This number doesn’t have to be permanent, so why is it that married couples are having less sex?
There are two major reasons why married couples stop having sex. One reason is that they did not have much sex in the beginning of the relationship and another could come from a big event, such as a childbirth or another affair where sex slows down and stops. Some people eventually become accustomed to their partner and, although it sounds horrible to say, become bored of them.
Many people wonder if having less sex makes the couple less happy. The truth of the matter is that yes, indeed studies show that having less sex equated to less happiness in the relationship. Sex is a form of intimacy and although isn’t the only form of intimacy, it is the strongest form. Therefore, when there is no sexual activity in the marriage, the levels of intimacy drop significantly. The question about whether no sex will eventually cause divorce or debatable and depends on the situation and couple. Communication is the most important aspect in a relationship and when there is no sex in a relationship, couples tend to be shy or stubborn to discuss it and causes a lack of communication.
The way to recover from a sexless relationship is to simply talk about it with your partner. As mentioned, communication is the upmost important part of a relationship so constant talk and discussion about how to rebuild the spark in the relationship is essential. Some couples only need a simple weekend away from the kids and some might just need a romantic dinner. Everyone is different so the only way to find the solution is just by talking it out with your spouse.
Have you ever had a sexless period in your relationship? Have you recovered from it, gave up, or still having issues? These are personal questions so please don’t feel ashamed of posting your thoughts below since this is the Internet and everything is anonymous as you don’t have to put in your real name. Feel free to share with us your thoughts on this subject below.
We've been married 16 years and still have sex 3-4x/week, and very fun, exciting and satisfying sex it is. We've both put on some weight over the years, but not enough to bother either of us. Count that as good home cookin' from me. The problem is, marriage is WORK. Too many folks marry the wrong person to start with. So of course everything falls apart. Even if they marry the 'right' person, a good marriage doesn't just happen. It takes hard work every day. You each have to put effort into it, it has to be equal give-and-take. Both partners have to give 100% to the marriage. You have to respect each other, learn to communicate well, enjoy spending time together, have common hopes, goals and dreams, treat each other with love and kindness, hold no grudges, learn to discuss rather than fight, and so on. Importantly: always remember to show and tell your partner how special they are and how much they mean to you. Never let your marriage slide into a day-to-day routine where you forget each other. And realize that there will be many bumps and rough patches that you must weather together, not apart! There will be times of less sex or times you can't stand each other, or when you're broke or whatever. Always remember this is a lifetime commitment you made and why you married to begin with, and that for every valley there will be a peak.
Not necessarily. It depends on the couple, but I know a few women who have been married for many years and are still determined to look their best for their husbands. They work out and they watch their weight and they read up on sex tips. To be fair its the men who often get beer guts and bald patches and high cholesterol. But again, its not always the case.
After marriage only sex relations start & frequency goes on increasing for most of couples. Most of women are tired. They sleep more, become lazy & take food more & more making them fat. Their bodies' metablism changes resulting weight gain. After marriage, regular health check up monthly by their female gynaecologists is a must to remove any sudden change in their body shape or function.
One of the major factors that determine approximately how much sex is "normal" is your age. Much younger people, especially young hormonal boys, want sex many more times than they are usually getting. Their sexual appetites far exceed what would be considered normal. Newly married couples or couples that have just gotten together are more likely to have more active sex lives. It is "normal" for these couples to have sex at least once a day however it maybe more or less. Their "normal" is much higher than couples that have been together for a while. People in their forties will have less sex than people in their twenties but still more than older couples. Their frequency is more likely to be a few times a week or a few times every few weeks. Then you have people in their fifties and higher that are likely to still have sexual desires but are much more diminished. They may have sex a few times a month and that is considered their "normal".
he amount of sex you have also depends on the stage of life you are in. Young people without any major responsibilities are likely to have more time for sex but less opportunity. College students may be busier with school work and have less time but more opportunity. Couples that have married, gotten their first big jobs, and started families are extremely busy and may be too tired to have sex all the time. Couples who have established their careers and have kids that are grown still have strong desires and more time to indulge them. Older couples definitely have the time but their desires are not as strong so are less likely to have sex.
There are numerous different factors that can affect your sex life besides just age and stage in your life. Factors such as stress, diminished desire, and illness can affect your frequency as a couple. The important thing to remember is there is no across the board number that is "normal". What should be considered normal is what is right for you and your partner. Do not feel the need to compare your sex life with that of other couples. Some couples may have sex all day everyday and that is normal for them but you may have it a couple times a week and that is your normal.
No sex after marriage at all - ask any man that cheats on his wife!! (oh she doesnt understand me, oh she never wants sex, oh we dont even sleep in the same bed etc etc etc)
For a lot of women sex after marriage meant freedom to do what we wanted with out feeling shame or inhibition. At first it was great, but after the dust cleared or you could say when the honeymoon was over, reality set in. Sex stopped being an everyday expression of love and passionate desire to a few days a week of excitement that reminded me of why I fell in love with him in the first place. For me this second stage of my marriage lasted for about a year. Sex was still wonderful and fulfilling but the desire was not always there. It was no longer the all weekend in bed bonanza or the no body is home don't answer the phone state of mind. It was more of; baby I wish I could stay in bed with you all day but we have things to do. By this time I was in my third year of marriage living in a brand new house with brand new bills and a whole lot of brand new problems, sex was down to a couple of days a week. I found myself pretending to be asleep when he came to bed, or just finding things to do to avoid going to bed.
We are now entering into another stage of our marriage, having children. My friends tell me that is when you say good bye to a sex life all together. I refuse to believe that. I know my husband and I will find a way to stay sexually connected, however I am always open to suggestions.
In a world full of divorce, questions about sexual life after marriage is clearly important. Sure, sex is different after the wedding, especially if you've never lived together. obviously more important. Although many people often assume that after a general clearing house, the sex will occur more frequently and more satisfying, but in a number of married couples telling, much as sex has become a minor player in the live.
I think a spouse who cuts off sex is just as guilty of infidelity as the one who cheats because of it.
my husband has cheated so many times on me i cant count anymore i never cut off sex to him,but hes last affair ruined us he was unable to have any kind of contact with me what so ever its been 4 years now still nothing, now he is a computer slutttttttttttttt and cheater on comp.
Just wondering Why after the 1st time he cheated you were still with him? I just don't understand that. Why do ppl fight over a man or don't let him go when he says or even PROVES he doesn't want that person. They will always cheat again. the more you forgive the more they feel comfortable in cheating again. sorry you had to go though it so many times. hope the next guy treats YOU like a queen, but if not, don't let him keep doing it to you!
Exactly! We don't even sleep on the same floor of the house anymore. I can't remember the last time I had sex, other than by myself, if that counts!
Not always I know a few men that have told women that but it wasn't true at all. In fact their woman treated them like kings. anytime, anywhere HE wanted. they would ask his opinion on things they knew he would like to be involved with. Did bother them with things they knew he would get upset or mad about. They did everything for him. And he cheats on her! Why? b/c he knows she loves him and he doesn't have to even WORK for her love. He knows she will forgive and forget IF he gets caught! this has happened with 2 of my sisters. I don't do any more for my husband then he does for me. I let him know I love him, BUT also that if I EVER even suspect him of cheating I'm Out of here. He told me the same. and UP FRONT we agreed BEFORE you cheat tell the other Partner YOU found someone you think you have feelings for and want to explore the other person, then that way the other partner doesn't feel like a fool, b/c they slept with someone who was sleeping elsewhere. I won't beg or fight for a man that clearly says he doesn't love or want me. Let him go. it's his l;oss.
My husband and I have been married for 11 years and have 4 children (ages 2 through 11). There are days when we do not have sex. However, this is not the "norm" for us. My husband is usually the one who initiates sex. There are many days when we have sex 2 times a day.....this is pretty much the "norm" for us. We have learned, from much communication, what we like and do not like. My suggestion, to those who have hit a slump in the sex department....try out-door sex. Now remember, the excitement comes from the CHANCE of being seen,,,,,not the fact that you really want to get caught! Try a park after dark, or a non-busy parking lot. My husband and I found a perfect place along the railroad tracks. There are cars that go by, so there is a slight chance of being seen, but almost no chance of getting caught! Have fun and remember you need to talk with each other to find out what your partner likes. And, surprisingly, you will find out some things about yourself and what you like as well.
Ok here we go! I have been married to this man for 18 yrs and have actually been with him for 20. At the time I planned on marrying him i was wanting to wait to have intimacy after we were married strictly because I had been married before and I just didnt feel right doing this until we were married. I had no complaints from him that i felt this way so i thought that when we married it would be different NOT !!! In stead it was the opposite from what i thought was going to be great. We have had sex twice since the whole time we have been together and our honeymoon was a joke! I have lived with this for so long that i am at my breaking point to say the least. I have been struggling with a decision that is just so complicated and i just dont know what to do. Do i stay in this or do i just let go? He is a great provider and I have all that i need as far as securtiy but i am a very sensual woman and i have needs and those needs are not being met. He does not even want to discuss this with me it seems he is content with the way things are BUT I AM NOT!!!! I do not work and have no way to support myself he is my only support and i feel TRAPPED and have no way out. If anyone has been in my situations please post some kind of advice I just cant do this anymore Thanks
I completely understand how you feel! I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years. we once had a great sex life. It stopped after the death of his brother. I kept thinking if I were just patient that it would come back. People grieve in different ways and that was what I believed it to be. It has been 3 years, and over 2 years since he last touched me. As for me, marriage has been put on hold. I do have means to support myself, but, I truly love him, and have been completely faithful. Still, there are times that I just want to pack up and leave, but, love will make you do very stupid things...like staying.
I have a simular situation with my wife... We lost our son 3 and a half years ago and since then our intimacy/sex life has suffered greatly. I have tried many things to re-spark our marriage, but our intimacy is just not there. Not that it is completely gone, but very infrequent! I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her! We have been married for over 20 years and have had a wonderful marriage overall. I have attempted to communicate my feelings to her, but she labels it as "nothing is wrong", "its just her, she has no sex-drive at all". I know she is depressed, we are both still grieving over the loss of our son. How can I help her and help our marriage?????
I think that we live in a sex-obsessed society. And in this society we are considered to be ill or retarded when not having sex. But this is crazy to think everyone is the same and sex MUST be there like air or water. But intimacy might be there even without sex, too. Some couples might have no sex at all, but it doesn't mean there is something wrong or there is no emotional bond between them. I think it is much worse to have sex for the sake of releasing your stress and then to watch TV separately.
No...It isn't alright, that is if you have a partner and the two of you are not having sex. There is a reason and that needs to be discussed and dealt with. If you are alone, then you are celibate. Celibacy is okay if you are doing it for a reason, otherwise, find your soulmate and live...
We have been married for 34 years. I love my wife as much now (if not more) than when we first married. I am an old Marine who feels you should always stay in shape, as much for your own good as trying to look good for your spouse. The problem....my wife is getting bigger every year. She is a "grazer", nibbling on anything and everything within reach. Although I am as "horny" now as when I was a teenager, I have to force myself to have sex with my wife. She has never had to worry about me cheating on her, but she sometimes asks why we don't have more intimacy. I often "joke" among friends that a woman's boobs should extend beyond her belly, but my wife never seems to think it pertains to her. We have had a grand total of ONE argument in 34 years but, the slightest mention of her weight really sets her off. As much as I would like to be more intimate with the woman I love, it has been less stressful just to "practice" while alone. Frustrated, but still in love.
No need to complain when there is less sex or more, i agree sometimes you feel sparks even without having sexual activity, you just like to touch and kiss and play and not animal moves)) Sex is important to support self confidence, i think, not more. Sexuallity you build up apart from any sex positions and heat of the body and body language sometimes doesnt affect your partner no matter how much hottie you are!! I know many examples, when the girl is fantasticly sexy and beautiful but.... to all the rest guys except her bf))) when there is no love, sex never be a HOLDER of the relationship. Gain sex in the married life, is a work and not from only one partner to look hot and desirable. Women knows the tricks, although guys should also be sometimes hunters and chillie peppers to make their wifes giggle,and play horny b....tches ;) and its not a pretend, its a mutual sexual language. Meantime none dismissed the fastrack sex when "there is no time". And guys( girls and lads) please stop complaining that you dont have it 2 times per day as in teenage, you phisiology no matter how much you are complaining never let you get more than it was meant to be))) Life circle. Try to be more focused on intimating your insideous with your partner and cheer up married life together by creating goals and reaching them. Believe me it is much more use))) What ever happens in your life is only for your good, and always remember when you complaining about having sex less then normal. In some other situation you might have NO sex at all.
A lot of interesting stories and advice. Try this one. 35 years + of marriage, sex life entered mild drought stage 5-10 years. Friends marriage goes to severe drought after 10 years. Couple years ago these two get toghter have flaming sex 1-2-4 times a week. However they made a commitment to not change their marriages. years later they are still married to their original partners and have a great sex life.
I love my wife seriously, but we have sex like 3 times a year, I am the sole provider she does not work, or has anything that distracts her, and I'm really tired of begging. I don't think I would have a problem with cheating, but I don't because of my position, and not having anyone to cheat with I'm 55 years old. All of the people my age that I know are either sick (physically) religious, or unattractive. I'm a physically active guy, and I like to workout so I stay that way,(I'm no Fabio, or Arnold) We no longer sleep in the same bed. This has been going on for the last 10 years, we've been married 22. Sexually frustrated HELL YES
I have been married 10 years. Sex ended about a years and several moths ago. I feel less close to my wife. I try everyone in a while to be romantic but nothing happens I know if I want a cup of coffee while I'm in bed all I have to do it get frisky and she's up and out of bed and asking my if I want a cup. I'm 6'1" and 200 lbs and in great shape for 53 years old. she is 53 and a bit overweight. I don't know what happened but she says she is not physically comfortable with sex any more.. with the sex went romantic kissing of all kinds. we kiss quickly no romance in our kisses .. that's all gone I miss the romantic side of foreplay and sex. Solo does not cut it.
Okay after serving about 10 yrs in prison with no sex I got out and met the perfect woman.After finding out that I had hep c in 99 we went about 9 yrs without sex because I was afraid of infecting her. I finally realized that this was not going to happen and we made love in January of this yr and then 4 days later I had a heart attack so now she wants a divorce and this is something I don't want.Any suggestions?
I have been in a sexless marriage for about 3 yrs we have a 9yr old. There are times when our little girl is not home still nothing. i made a frightening discovery the other day she has 4 different types of vibrators, now we used them as a couple and she stated that that was the only time we should use them... She doesn't know i know how should i approach this its driving me crazy.....
hahaha, you are a hot- very hot guy:) but I think that such sex marathons can't continue forever, sonner or later one of the partners gets tired of it
I hope I would be able to under stand this definition of Hot guy for myself in my partner eyes...:-P since I'm carving
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