I think this is a great read for everyone & want to learn more. I've experienced this issue, in the past & present. I've tried to explain the same concept/understanding, in my own words, to partners & they just didn't/don't get it. Somehow, I come across as an ungrateful girlfriend, when they're such good, acts of service boyfriends. Suddenly, because I try to explain what I need to feel loved, I just haven't recognized anything that's been done, which isn't true. I think I have a little to learn, myself, but having material other than my own words, which didn't go over well, might do both my partner & I some good.

Thanks for this info. I'm going to read this to my hubby when he wakes from his nap. This is what our problem is! Than you so much again!

Self-knowledge is crucial to happiness, and I think this way of looking at love within relationships is very useful — both to understand ourselves better, and our partners. And even outside a romantic relationship, it’s an interesting way to view differences among people’s thinking.

My partner and I struggle with this often as we are quintessential opposites. I have not read the book but have had it explained to me, as she has read it. I agree and disagree with the concept and just wanted to bring a thought to the conversation. I believe it’s not only important to ‘learn’ your partner’s language so that they can ‘hear’ you but it is integral that you learn to ‘hear’ what language your partner ‘speaks’. I truly believe it is a two-fold process. While I try to translate for her during our day-to-day interactions, my truest expressions of love can only be spoken in my language – and vice versa. Sometimes the deepest meaning of love can get lost in translation and so it is best to keep it in its purest form. Thus, becoming emotionally bi-lingual is integral to the relationship. I don’t expect her to give me love in the only way I know how to receive it – I’ve learned to see it in the way she has to give it.

This makes me a little uncomfortable and I suspect I should read it to get a better grasp on it but one of the things I learned being raised surrounded by narcissists was you really have to be careful about how hard you try to please people. There are many people out there who are never satisfied, regardless of what you give or how, and consequently are constantly upping the ante. They make you feel as though you have never done enough or given enough and you can spend your life spinning your wheels trying to find some secret key to satisfy them that does not exist. I have fortunately found a way to spot these people and don't worry about fulfilling their endless demands anymore. I simply accept that in their eyes I have failed them. I am open hearted and loving to those who have earned my trust and don't worry about those who can't seem to be pleased no matter what is done for them.

My husband and I got this book when we got married 6-1/2 years ago, and we both read it and did the little quiz to figure out our dominant languages. It made for some really fun conversations for us, and we would check in with each other periodically as to whether our "love tank" was full or not. It was just a nice reference point for us in those early days of integrating our lives.