5 Common Misconceptions about Marriage
People think that once in a relationship or once a couple has fallen in love that it is very easy to stay in love and maintain a marriage. Although there are many misconceptions of marriage, some are actually true. Here is a list of common misconceptions of marriage and relationships.
1. Many think marriage is a dying concept On the contrary, marriage is a strong bond that brings a couple even closer. However, in today’s society, there are many people who are afraid of marriage and afraid of such a strong commitment. People though eventually get married, so there is really no point on holding off marriage when you truly love someone.
2. Keep opinions to yourself to make the marriage last longer When a partner has a hard time trusting their other partner or even when they have a hard time trusting themselves, they tend to keep their opinions and ideas to themselves at the same time. This can cause a lack of communication and misunderstandings in the relationship.
3. Something is wrong if there is no passion left In marriages, there will be happy times and down times. Just because the passion feels like it is lost doesn’t mean someone did something wrong or that the relationship is wrong. All you have to do is find something to light that spark again. It could be a common hobby, a new hobby, cooking, new things in bed, and so on.
4. If I try to change my partner, the marriage is over This misconception actually has a lot of truth to it. You can’t change your partner and you shouldn’t try to. You fell in love with them for a reason and for the person they were and people never change, so you shouldn’t have to worry about causing so much problems just to try to change them. There might be habits that you wish your partner would stop and that you can work on together.
5. If you find someone attractive, you don’t love your partner anymore It is perfectly normal to find people attractive, it is just human nature. The important thing is that you can look but you cannot touch and be faithful and truthful to your partner.
Just because marriage might seem like a lot of work or difficult doesn’t mean it has to be. Go out on date nights with your spouse, start new hobbies and talk about any problems you might be having. Just because a marriage seems difficult doesn’t mean it is over!
Have you had wrong ideas about marriage before getting married? Do you have a strong belief of not getting married or that maybe marriage ruins relationships?
Me and my husband have been married a few months. I really thought things would get better once we were married but its worse. Our baby is due in 2 weeks and i feel guily everytime i try to get excited about it. He shows no interest in my pregnancy. We haven't been out and bought anything together for the baby. Whenever i mention the baby the conversation is turned to his daughter and how much she is being pushed out. which she isn't. She lives with her mum 40 mins away and we have agreed that from now we will spend the full day with her at weekend till baby's born because there is noone to have her if i go into labour and its nighttime. Also she has a room here but obviously once the baby is born that will become the nursery. She will still be able to stay over but she will have to share a room. But i'm told i'm pushing her away. I am having the most horrendous pains and the other day when i mentioned that i hope baby came early so these pains would stop he turned it around and made it all about his daughter. No acknowledgment about my discomfort.. I feel totally let down by him.. He hasn't been there for me at all. If i'm emotional i need to get a grip. If i want to stay home an rest i'm ruining everyones day... He feels the need to ring and text his ex everyday to ask about his daughter but i'm starting to feel its an excuse to speak to her. I just want to cry. My marriage seems to be over before its begun. Whenever we try to talk we end up rowing. He does his thing, i do mine.. How did my life end up like this. This is never how i saw it.. He doesn't seem attracted to me anymore. we hardly ever go to bed together. I ask myself all the time where the love has gone? how did things get so bad? i do love him but i don't know if he loves me anymore. I feel so trapped and alone. I can't talk to anyone i know because this soon into a marriage everything should be fantastic. I don't want to walk away. i need to save this marriage and fight for him but i don't know what to do. There's no way he will attend a counsellor.
I haven't been in this exact situation before, but I know having children can be difficult. Especially when things die down in the bedroom which can sometimes carry on for a few years after the baby is born too. To me it kind of seems that you have had the wrong idea of how a marriage is supposed to be. Especially when babies come along!! You said everything should be fantastic, but in reality having a man that dotes over everything about the baby and pregnancy and you as a pregnant woman is a load of rubbish. It is vary rare that a man will be obsessed about the pregnancy and arrival of the baby as much as the woman is. My son has just turned one and only just recently has my fiance really started getting into being a dad. And that is completely normal. So try not to stress about that too much. It could still be a year before he starts to warm up to being a dad. It is very different for men than what it is for women. But the things with his daughter, is also normal. Just continue to reassure him that you love his daughter.. Maybe even go on an outing with her to show that you do love her and to reassure him that you do too. Involve her in stuff like choosing a few toys for the baby or get her to choose a couple of jumpsuits or something. Little things will mean a lot.
Let him know that you felt really hurt by his actions, because this is your baby together and it is important for him to be sensitive to your needs. Being pregnant is HARD. He needs to be more caring of you. Tell him that. Get him to think about how excited his ex was when their daughter was on the way. Remind him that you feel the same way as she did. As for sex, if it's you that has the problem it's more than likely hormonal. It will pass. If it doesn't don't be afraid to go to the doctors. If it's him that has the problem then it could be any number of contributing factors. Some men just aren't interested in a pregnant woman body. Some men are afraid that they'll hurt their lady. Some men think they'll poke the baby in the head with their penis. Some men don't want to do things with a third party in the room. Try to do some fun things together and together with his daughter.. Remind yourself of why you first fell in love with one another and try to re-spark that romance. Don't forget getting married doesn't make things perfect. Marriages aren't perfect. They all have their problems and this is one of the many common ones. It happens to millions of people so you're not alone. And if things don't resolve, suggest counseling again. A third unbiased party never goes astray. Counseling isn't a bad thing. There is nothing wrong with getting help. It is a sign of strength and determination. Not weakness.
Let him go before too long, it seems he doesn' t care for you at all. I had had a similar situation. My ex-husband used to say he cared for me and the baby though he hadn't even worked or helped me either when I was pregnant or as soon as I delivered a baby. He just said I was to find a job as soon as possible to care...for our mutual baby. And.. you should not fight for your man, you should fight for your life and for you baby wellbeing.
before you got married, did you discuss having children? clearly this is the issue, the baby is the issue & these concerns might not only be coming from him but these might be his daughters concerns... Most of the time if one of the parents already has a child, & a new baby is on its way ( in the situation they are in) the older child feels that their parents love will be replaced or taken away & given to the baby, that they will be ignored & unloved...during this time, depending on how young the daughter is, she is either throwing a major tantrum or reverting into a shell.... yes this should be the happiest time of your life, but you are not seeing things from a different perspective...you need to bring his daughter there & have him in the room & let the daughter know how big of a role she will play in your child's life, how much you both will need her & will love her, that nothing not even the baby will take your love for her away...once you reassure his daughter & him, you might get the main you married back....but the rest depends on you fulfilling your promise
"I really thought things would get better once we were married but its worse." that was your first mistake...anything after that is your own fault!!! You shouldnt have ignored the signs. NOTHING is going to change....he doesnt even want to change which is indicated by his not wanting to go to counseling. its too bad you ignored all the signs, you could have avoided bringing a child into this "failed marriage". He doesnt care for you or the child and may never.....he is stuck on his ex and their child together and he lets you know that loud and clear...stop yourself from sinking any further in denial, get out while you still have the ability to think sanely!
It will all change once the baby is here. He doesnt feel the same for the baby as his daughter as he has'nt yet got the bond which dads usually get when they are first born. At the end of the day you love your husband but you need to put your child first before anyone including your husband. Explain to him that you want his daughter to be apart of your lives and the babies but not to the point where your baby could be puushed out not the other way round. This guy needs to pull his finger out and realise their is a baby on the way!
concerned about her. If you are taking her bedroom and giving it to the baby, then yes - she is being pushed out (literally). You are changing her visitation schedule due to the baby - again, she's being given the short end of the stick. When the baby is born, why not keep it in your room for a bit, both for convenience sake and for your step-daughter's peace of mind? Don't make it seem she is being replaced. Let some time pass and let her get used to the change in family dynamic before she has to share her room. And the baby doesn't know or care how the room is decorated - don't overhaul it into Disneyland but keep it as your step-daughter likes it. Your husband is likely feeling that he and his daughter both are about to lose their place in line to the new baby. He's feeling threatened on behalf of them both. Try to reassure them both that the new addition to the family won't usurp their place. Try to see it from his side, and communicate your feelings as well. There is a compromise in there somewhere that will make everyone happy.
You are being hormonal. Chill, seriously, you are making something out of nothing. This is his 2nd child , so there is no novelty for him; with 2nd children, parents tend to be more relaxed and practical and less overbearing. I say, get a grip of yourself and be mature. Marriage and kids do not make relationships better, it actually raises the stakes much higher. It sounds to me as you need to mature quite a bit. You are being neurotic with the fantasy that you have created in your head about how things "should" be, I suggest you concentrate on how thing ARE instead.
He has his own emotional battle going on and he feels pulled between his already born child and yours. He feels like he is being unfaithful to his first kid. Once your baby is born and you are loving to both kids things will be fine. You can not expect him to sleep with you now as he thinks you are delicate and he is worried that he will roll over onto you or get in your way. You aren't a wife anymore you are becoming a mom and this makes him think of you differently. Do not let him in the delivery room with you. Let him pace like other fathers. It's a psychological viewpoint of several men polled who just became dads and their opinions of women. Do not forget that your own hormones are a bit nuts now and you may be overly emotional about your feelings now. Relax and do it right. Things will work themselves out.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Being pregnant is hard enough without having an inconsiderate idiot of a husband. Your husband is in the wrong so try not to blame yourself. Yes, you shouldnt have gotten married but I know from experience how difficult it is to stop once the wedding ball is rolling and you do put on rose coloured glasses to a certain extent and desperately want to believe things will be better. It was a mistake but there's nothing you can do about it and now you just need to get on with rectifying the position you are in. It sounds to me like communication is the main issue here and a lot of men have problems with this. You both need to sit down together and discuss rationally how he REALLY feels so that you can both work towards fixing it together, and vice versa. Now, I know that'd be in an ideal world and that it doesn't ever work like that so, in my opinion, you really need to go to counselling. I went with my husband as we couldnt talk about our issues without fighting and it is amazing the difference that sitting in a quiet room with a third person can make. My husband always flew off the handle and changed the argument round to suit him but he couldnt do that with the counsellor there. He went reluctantly but was glad of the chance to air his views peacefully when he got there.
What I think is you knew you and him were not doing well and you got pregnant in "hopes" he would love you and it backfired. Only you know the truth on your motives here..... You don't want to walk but walking is what you need to do. He is not over the first wife/gf whatever she is and you need to leave him and get child support from him. He doesn't want this union and it takes TWO to make a marriage work out. I am sorry especially for the innocent baby in this. But your the adult here and you must do the right thing for the child. Staying in an unhappy marriage will cause emotional abuse to the child in years to come.
You are wise for someone so young. She is immature and needy. You can't live in fantancyland when you think Prince Charming is an Ogre. She should have waited to get to know him and his baggage before getting knocked up and tricking him into doing the right thing. There are always concequencis.
Communicate (rationally) and let him know what you want/expect - communicate your anticipation and excitement, your fears etc. The thing which will kill a relationship is not a new baby, differing expectations etc - but a lack of clear rational unemotional communication.
People think that once in a relationship or once a couple has fallen in love that it is very easy to stay in love and maintain a marriage. Although there are many misconceptions of marriage, some are actually true.
marriage is a strong bond that brings a couple even closer. However, in today’s society, there are many people who are afraid of marriage and afraid of such a strong commitment. People though eventually get married, so there is really no point on holding off marriage when you truly love someone.
When a partner has a hard time trusting their other partner or even when they have a hard time trusting themselves, they tend to keep their opinions and ideas to themselves at the same time. This can cause a lack of communication and misunderstandings in the relationship.
In marriages, there will be happy times and down times. Just because the passion feels like it is lost doesn’t mean someone did something wrong or that the relationship is wrong. All you have to do is find something to light that spark again.
It is perfectly normal to find people attractive, it is just human nature. The important thing is that you can look but you cannot touch and be faithful and truthful to your partner.
Just because marriage might seem like a lot of work or difficult doesn’t mean it has to be. Just because a marriage seems difficult doesn’t mean it is over!
Have you had wrong ideas about marriage before getting married? Do you have a strong belief of not getting married or that maybe marriage ruins relationships?
You can't "fall into" the kind of committed, godly love required for a lasting marriage. One writer said you have to "climb up" to the kind of agape love described in 1 Corinthians 13. It involves the Spirit of God that comes through baptism and a conscious choice to keep loving even when the feelings of romantic love may be hidden by the trials of life or the actions of your mate.
We do "fall into" romantic love though. "Once the experience of falling in love has run its natural course (remember, the average in-love experience lasts two years), we will return to the world of reality and begin to assert ourselves. He will express his desires, but his desires will be different from hers.
There's only one perfect true love for you, and you'll magically know it when you find him or her
It's not that simple or that hard. God doesn't say that there is only one possibility for you out there, but He does answer prayers. He wants us to prepare ourselves, learn about others, seek wise counsel and make the best possible choice of a husband or wife. Then He wants us to commit to making it work. No two people are perfectly compatible. Marriage is a learning process for two best friends to enjoy and work through together.
Planning and budgeting for a wedding could be the first big test for a couple and the in-laws! If it's important to your parents and you—and if you won't have to go into debt to do it (or have little to eat in a one-room apartment for several years)—then you can easily spend the $27,000 to $28,000 that the average American couple spends on a wedding. (That's up 73 percent in the last 15 years.)
But you don't have to. If you all feel that a lot of that money would be better spent on education or the down payment on a house, there are lots of choices for beautiful, memorable but less expensive weddings. Don't get so caught up in planning the perfect wedding that you forget to plan for your future life together!
I think that people get this idea, probably from what they watch and read and listen to, that marriage is supposed to be a lifelong affair, something romantic and passionate and spontaneous.
No no no. That kind of attitude leads to you getting a divorce or cheating as soon as it's not "fun" anymore. The person you can stay happily married to is the person who is not only your lover, but your best friend. Your partner in crime. Your therapist. Your fixer-of-problems. And you should also be those things for your spouse.
Life is not a pleasure cruise. The two of you are the only crew for a large and unwieldy boat. There is little time for lighting candles and scattering rose petals when there's a storm coming and you need to batten down the hatches. Pick somebody who's a good mate- both in the nautical and animal sense.
I think I know what you're getting at here, and I probably don't disagree with you, but the difference is that doing things like scattering rose petals is not just a distraction from the storm, but in a marriage it can actually be a solution to the storm itself. A marriage where there is an attitude to be romantic and to place an importance on building the relationship will be much stronger than one without it.
A marriage where there is an attitude to be romantic and to place an importance on building the relationship will be much stronger than one without it. Being romantic is one thing. Romance as a cornerstone is another.
I think that's tied into some other problems as well. People think that being in love is enough, and it isn't. I love any number of people I would not (or in one case unsuccessfully did) marry. As you mention, there's more to compatibility, both in regards to habits (go out or stay-home), traits (open or closed emotionally), power-dynamics (who is in charge of what), and long-term goals (family, career, etc).
I've also wondered about the success rate of arranged vs "for love" marriages. Certainly culture is involved in the lower divorce rate in arranged marriages: but I think as well there's an element of "success because of realistic expectations". When those heady hormones are running and that plan for a fairy-tale ending is in your head: not only can you be prone to bade decisions in a mate; but to disappointment when he/she turns out to have faults like everyone else and everything isn't easy. What I'm saying is "be realistic in your view of the person you are marrying and what marriage will bring".
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